The new me

Almost two weeks ago a tumor became obvious in my last breast. "Became obvious" as a euphemism for "shit, what is this?!"

Then last Thursday the doctor called with the biopsy results. Yes, it is cancer, unfortunately, but, he said, curable. It's funny, for a week my mind was between numb and confused. I have been practically diagnosed with a chronic disease, but the doctor says it's curable. How surreal.

You think about so many things. You worry about so many things. The thought of dying of this disease has, however, not been one of those worries. The torturous road to "curing" it, however, has.

Now, my brain is trying to figure out what to do next. I am doing more tests. But tests are tricky: try scanning your whole body and see if something else comes up...I dread them as much as I want them. The more I read, the more anxious I get, yet I can't stop. And to make things worse, I am not alone!!! I mean, I am not complaining about my wonderful friends who have showered me with love and support, but about the many other women who are going through what I am going through. MANY of them. Too many, if you ask me. The more I talk about it the more I know about the moms, sisters, cousins, neighbors, friends, who are going through this right now. How long have we been doing cancer research? Decades, you say? Unbelievable.

And now, it's my turn.

Part of me is insanely scared and part of me is insanely determined. I am yet to find out who I am. And I have a feeling I'll need a lot of help to do that.