The cover

When Chris asked me if I would agree to be the October cover of Reno magazine my response was: "I don't think so." They were looking for a breast cancer awareness month cover. I told her I was sure there were other women out there who were much better cover stories than me. But Geralda called me and wouldn't take no for an answer. That's what friends are for! So, here I am, the October cover of Reno magazine. I had never been a cover story like this before, where a really cool photographer comes to your house and spends a good chunk of the day taking photos of you and the reporter sits to talk to you for a couple of hours. I really never know what to say when I am being interviewed. As much as I always have an opinion about stuff, I am not very good at speaking on the record. So, it really was a great thing that Geralda was writing the story, because she is an awesome writer who can make sense of anything, including me. • Besides the first OMG-reaction: I am on the cover of a magazine! — and after being thankful for Photoshop and airbrushing techniques, I was absolutely flattered and honored. I don't know if I am a good role model, or if I am courageous enough, but I know there are times when your only option is to move forward. And I so wish all women battling breast cancer (or any other cancer or illness, for that matter) are able to do what it takes to do so. We can't afford to think about ALL possible consequences and alternative case scenarios. We can only take one step at a time and imagine a world free of cancer and illness in front of us. I encourage everyone to not be afraid to ask for help, and to BE of help to a friend in need. A beautiful world is made of an accumulation of small, kind acts. Make sure you add your part.

Let the Race begin

Last night a friend of mine and I attended the team party for the Susan Komen Race For the Cure. It was very lively and the organizers did a great job rallying everybody. This year I registered a team called Life Curves, named, obviously, after this blog. And I would love it if you all decided to join my team! Last year's top fundraiser was Tim Jitloff. Some of you skiers from Nevada may recognize the name, he participated in the Vancouver Olympics last February. So, as of right now, we are only second to him! isn't that cool? I hold no dreams of being in this position too long. Last year he raised more than $7,000!
But I would be so honored and excited if all my friends, close and far, joined my team! 75% of the money raised stays in Northern Nevada and the rest goes to research. I hope some day cancer is no longer an illness we fear. Any type of cancer.

Also, I would like some suggestions for the team slogan. I was thinking something like "LIFE CURVES--Because you have to hit anything that comes your way, and win!" what do you guys think? I am not very good at this stuff, so I will gladly accept much more cool ideas!!

Thank you for your friendship and your support. Let's scratch year one down.

http://komennorthnv2010rftc.kintera.org/

Year One

Today a year ago it was confirmed that I had a cancerous tumor in my left breast. It is hard to believe it has been a year already. In a way, 2009 moved very slowly. All I remember is being on a daze for most parts. The anguish of making the decision to have a double mastectomy and the feeling of loss was overwhelming. The process of reconstruction has been long and painful. At the end of January I had the last full-blown surgery and, even thought this was supposed to be the easiest surgery of all, I found it harder to bounce back. It could've been the cumulative effect of surgeries, anesthesia and all that, but it seemed like both my body and my mind were simply exhausted. The lack of sleep caused by anxiety or medications (or both) rendered me even more vulnerable. I couldn't cope with the minimum amount of pain. Because, yes, there was new and more pain. In an effort to smooth out some tissue bumps under my arms, I have now two scars about 5 inches long that run from my beautiful new breasts towards my back. Those scars, although progressing as they should, to me they are taking too long to heal and make it difficult to sleep comfortably. My back and my shoulders and my neck have weakened, and it all becomes a vicious circle. I am in pain so I don't exercise, and I don't exercise because I am in pain. I sometimes feel angry that I feel so weak. It takes all I have to bring me back to a place where I can face one day at a time and not feel distressed. And although sometimes not very graciously, I have learned to find strength from every corner of myself and my environment. I have found friends in the most unexpected places, and I have been blessed with love and support from all the people who surround me, my home, my workplace, the organizations my husband and I volunteer at, even from people I have never met. So, at the year one mark, I want to thank you all, family, friends, supporters, care givers, cheerleaders all, for being here for me through this difficult time. You have given me the support to keep going. • I won't be diagnosed cancer free until four more years from now, and I know there will be other rough patches on the road. But for right now, I am hopeful and grateful.

The cherry on the top

Tuesday at 6 a.m. I go in for reconstruction surgery part 2. This surgery has elicited many jokes from both husband and close friends, although the whole thing is not really that funny. You see, when one has a mastectomy, the whole breast is removed. After the implants are put in place, the boobs are in place as well, but that's it. Smooth, perfect-to-wear-without-a-bra boobs. So now it's time for the lights to be turned on. You can only imagine why this can be funny. :) I am a little anxious before the surgery, but I am not nearly as obsessed with the details as I was with the previous surgeries. And I really don't know why. I figure the surgeon has done this a million times and I can just let him do the best job he can. How does the surgeon form a new nipple? Imagine an incision similar to a three-leaf clover, where the two side leaves fold toward each other to form the cylinder and the top one to cover the top. Then he fills the inside of the cylinder with skin grafts and some other fatty tissue, and sows it all back together. After 6 months or so, when the skin has completely healed, the aureola is tatooed on, and then the job is finished. Or at least until it's time to replace the implants, because, you know, they don't last a lifetime. I figure I should really consider running for Ms. Senior Nevada, given the odds that I will be a perky 80-year old...