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Technology testing, that is. Please disregard this post.

The left. And the right.

It's two days before the surgery. My shoulders hurt more than usual but it could all be work related. Nothing like being on deadline to take your mind off thoughts of cancer and surgeries. Seriously. My therapist last week pointed out that my brain was clearly in overdrive, so much so that she could see it spinning around all the way from across the room. Earlier this year I learned how my left brain tends to take over my body as a mad wedding planner. It's amazing: always thinking, rationalizing, analyzing, thinking strategy, plans of attack, exit strategies.... the whole deal. And apparently the right brain is a bit suffocated. All I want to say is: "Dude, wake up! fight for your turn! I have no time to make special accommodations for you. If you don't speak up, don't blame me. I just live here." • As you can imagine, lately I have been a bit exhausted. It's hard to figure out how to take what's happening to my body and what's coming. As far as I understand, cervical dysplasia is quite common. Several of the women I know have had it and have had the same, or a similar procedure, done. (By the way, I have to note that in my last blog I incorrectly named the procedure. The correct name is LEEP, for loop electrosurgical excision procedure.) On the other hand, the beheading of the ovary is not as common, it seems. I was reading some women get emotional distress after having this done. It's interesting how you get attached to your organs, isn't it? What bugs me the most about a lot of these issues is that the common practice is to just take the parts out. But then you are on your own when it comes to deal with all the consequences for the rest of your life. Particularly with the female reproductive organs. The feel I get from the doctors is: "You are alive. You don't have cancer. Just put up with whatever happens afterwards." Is it just me or there's something wrong with that picture? Why are we always told to just deal with it? And why do we DO that? As I told my other oncologist, the medical community doesn't seem to be extremely helpful to women dealing with after-the-excision type of issues. Most women I know have found help, relief or new ideas on how to best deal with things from other women, not their doctors. It seems like you have to acquire your own internet medical degree in order to take care of yourself. Otherwise you are on your own. It's pretty scary. • So, here I am, trying to figure out the best way to say goodbye to my loyal right ovary. "I really didn't want to do this, but the doctor insists..." "Look at it this way: no more bleeding!" or "Well, it's not like I could afford to get pregnant now!" I am really trying not to think about what will happen and what could happen, but, like I said, the left brain has taken over. God save the right.