Anticipation

Tomorrow is my birthday. Not a milestone in the number, but definitely one that feels different. It's hard not to think about all those sayings asking you to enjoy the present day because you don't know what you'll have tomorrow. I never thought to be on this road. About four or so years ago a few friends were eating dinner at my house. When the conversation turned about breast cancer, one of them said: "What the statistics say, is that one of us (we were eight) will have breast cancer." I remember wondering who would that be. So, I got the short stick, and here I am. First thing on birthday morning I go to see the surgeon so he can take some sutures off. My breasts are much more comfortable with the implants than they were with the expanders, but the pain hasn't disappeared. I really try not to think about it as much, but it's really tiresome to every day, every hour, every minute, every night, feel the stinking pain. Of course it is not as bad as it was, but it is. At least the rest of my body has decided to move on and pretends the pain isn't there. My head is clear and yesterday I was able to ride my stationary bike for half hour at a strong pace. I am looking forward to PT again next week. Eighty percent of my body is so ready to move on! I am starting to crave perfect nights where I sleep the whole night and I am not sore moving myself around the bed. I don't know when that's going to happen. But I am ready. This birthday is a different one, for sure. But, then again, I am alive, celebrating.