The world we live in.

The last few days have been interesting. Two days in a row I had appointments with two oncologists. I had concerns on regards of the effect Tamoxifen (the hormone therapy drug designed to decrease my chances of having the cancer comeback) would have in other parts of my body. The first doctor was a well known gyno/oncologist doctor in town, who, by some accounts, is the best in town. I don't even know how to describe the interview with him. It was the end of the day, he probably was tired, but he had a completed disregard for my concerns and my emotions or worries. His approach was simple and pragmatic. Do you want to be dead or alive? What if you have hot flashes, vaginal dryness, urinary track infections - and at worst, fibroids in the uterus bigger than a 4-month fetus or uterine cancer? Put up with it! (his words). Our goal is to prevent the cancer to come back, so, what if you have to deal with this? • I knew going in that my choices were almost non existent, but I certainly didn't think he could be so dismissive. At one point, when he said the side effects of the drug weren't that bad, I said: "not according to some women I've talked to!" to which he replied that maybe he was being a little insensitive because he wasn't a woman! Just a little? I thought. • The other oncologist didn't have better alternatives for me, but he was at least kind and empathetic. He was willing to look into whatever options I was bringing to the table and to not dismiss my worries as plain stupidity (How could I be worried about hot flashes and vaginal dryness when I could be cured from cancer?!) • But what is really troublesome is not just that I went through this, because my case is possibly one of the best-case scenarios withing the worst (getting cancer), but that other women who have to experience more suffering in order to be cured are dealing with insensitive doctors like this one. Does it really have to be this way? Can't they really understand that you are full of worries, fears, anxiety, and that you're just trying to cope in the best way you can? • And so you realize that this is a journey in which you walk alone on the road, sometimes accompanied, sometimes not. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it's hot, sometimes is pleasant — very much like Forrest Gump when he jogged across the country! Some people stay with you alongside all the time, while some others dropout and go do something else. But you keep on running, because that is all you can do.

Now what?

As time goes by it's harder to write about my cancer battle. The most traumatic experiences seem so long ago (it's been a month since the surgery, almost to the day) that what happens now just doesn't seem blog worthy. • Every day is a new pain, every day has a different challenge to overcome. I wish I didn't have such low tolerance to pain, mainly so I could stop taking pills. • Pain is such an interesting thing. It pokes, pinches, grabs, suffocates, annoys... Waking up with a tight chest and a stiff back is tiresome. It takes me all morning to have a sense of owning my own body. Some days I am not even sure I own my mind, either. And on the days when I get "filled," I can barely move around without pain. When parts of your body have been moved around or taken out, the brain seems to not know what to do. The doctor told me I needed to remember my body was confused, and that as a result my brain was sending me messages that didn't make sense. This makes sense, but there's nothing I can do to help my brain, and that makes things more difficult. • It's amazing how our bodies work to protect themselves and to make everything function the way it should. It's amazing too, how one's mind has to work to help the body figure out a plan B. So, no, that muscle is not there anymore, can we use this other one in place? So, yes, this muscle shouldn't be there, but, can we please make some room and make it look like it does? • And I thought I could have time to rest...

This blogger sucks

I had never had a surgery of this magnitude and now I realize how naive I was thinking I would have all the time in the world to be online (or watch movies, read books and magazines, clean my office desk, etc...) But, here I am, trying to be hipper than what I really am! :) The best news since last week is that my oncologist cleared me from doing chemotherapy. We were SO happy and relieved! Tim and I later shared with each other that in our heads we had decided we weren't doing chemo unless the doctor gave us a reason the size of the world (dying would have been one), but he didn't. The Oncotype dx test done in my tumor revealed I had 7% changes of recurrence, so, based on my complete numbers and the data available, the cancer doctors in charge of making these recommendations were comfortable allowing me to do only hormone therapy. Which, it means I will take a pill for five years and I have secondary effects such as cancer of the uterus, but, nothing major. Ha! So, as soon as I get my batteries charged, I will be doing research on Tomoxifen and related drug friends, to see what alternatives I have, if any. • On the other hand, my progress has been steady and good. All doctors were impressed with my scar healing ability and the fact I had almost no bruising at all. The drains were taken out last Monday and, although I was prepared for unbearable pain when they yanked the tubes off my sides, I felt absolutely nothing. It was like a dream. The nurse had the hands of God handling my body. Amazing. Then yesterday my masage therapist was able to help me release my shoulders and I felt so good last night I almost couldn't believe it. This morning I woke up with a huge headache, but it's starting to clear. I am always surprised I could have a headache or any other pain taking the drugs I am taking, but, I guess it truly is possible! • The pain thing has been interesting. My chest doesn't feel as tight as before, but those of you who had had surgery understand the sharp pains of healing. It's like being a voodoo doll...• Some of my friends are ready for me to shed my homeless outfits (wearing Tim's flannel shirts) and get some nice dresses. I, on the other hand, am happy I can squeeze my arms into my own t-shirts! But I will oblige and will try to dress a little nicer. At least I am not carrying around two bags with tubes by my sides anymore! • So, life goes on. I feel blessed to have landed in the hands of very good doctors and to have such a great family and friends. What else can one need in times like these?

Week two

It's been now a week and 4 days since the surgery. I can't quite say I feel fantastic, but I guess I feel considerably well given what I went through. The whole thing is almost like a bad dream sometimes. For most parts I have been able to sleep at night in between pills and today I am starting to reduce the amount of pain medicine to see if I can handle the discomfort without actually being in pain. Last Wednesday most of the stitches came off (the knots, I guess, since the rest will just be absorbed by my body). My mom didn't quite approve the stitching pattern, she thought they seemed uneven and random! Leave it to a perfectionist mom to say such things.... My two drains are doing well, and I hope they'll be able to take them off next week. Although I am REALLY NOT looking forward to having them yanked out like weeds from my sides...(ay ay ay!) Last week a friend took my mom and I to a nearby park and I walked for a bit there. We are going there today again. I usually feel fine until I don't. Funny how that happens, uh? So then I have to sit down and breathe. You always read about how being diagnosed with cancer changes one's life. I can't say I have reached that corner, but one thing I can say: It has allowed me to enjoy my husband's, my mother's and my kids' attention much more. But not so in a self-centered manner, rather, in a way that makes me more thankful to have a mother and a husband and kids near me. It makes me want to tell everyone how much each of us should enjoy the company of the people who love us and not take them for granted. I have also been flattered by having so many people being kind to me and my family. We sometimes don't realize how many lives we touch by what we say and do every day. We all have such power to make others feel better or happy! Thank you to all of you who have been there for us. Thank you for the words you've said and sent, thank you for the flowers and the food, thank you for just checking up on me. You all make this journey a bit less difficult. Thank you!

S+4 –Homecoming by SM

Our fourth day in the hospital started very well with a long walk and doing breathing exercises. Then, Claudia had a little set back; pain is a mysterious creature. Just when you think you’re done, it pops up. After some bed rest and a little medication assistance, Claudia was up and at it again. She took her first post-surgery shower and felt marvelous. What a sense of rejuvenation comes from a shower. Surgical areas looked fine. Late in the afternoon, after a bit more of a rest, Dr Dahan (a wonderful doctor) met with us, reviewed all the charts, gave Claudia another exam, then ok’d her release. Hurray! No more hospital cots for me; Claudia was excited too. So, we packed our belongings quite an ordeal and a near impossible task without the assistance of our great friends and family (Bob, Connie, Sandra, mama Ortega). One small note here, Hummer’s are not good pickup vehicles for those being discharged from the hospital. Thank goodness for Bob’s sedan, easy in and easy out.

We finally arrived home about 5pm last night. After a couple of trips picking up medicines (SM only) and short dinner, we relaxed the evening away and turned in early. The turning in process involved multiple iterations and configurations of pillows, blankets, and assorted support paraphernalia. But, we finally settled into an arrangement and turned off the lights. A good night’s sleep! We still had some late night and early morning medication episodes to attend too, but much better than the hospital routine.

Claudia’s continued resting today and improves by the moment. Whistles and text messages allow for constant attention when she’s retired to the bedroom as getting up and moving around are still a bit of an ordeal. This too will pass in time.
I tried for more pictures and video, but unfortunately none of my efforts turned out very well. Claudia says she may be up on-line by tomorrow and taking care of her updates directly. God Bless to all for your kind thoughts and support as we navigate through these trying times.

S+3 - Great Progress Continues by SM

No worries on the missed report. Yesterday was a mixture of tough times and good news. Friday started with a small fever and rounds of pain on the right side surgical site. Towards the end of the day, both issues had been resolved. It just took some time to correct. Claudia still managed to get up more and increased her walking too. She’s a real fighter – in a hospital gown kind of way. The doctor continues to be pleased with her progress despite the early day’s events which we saw as a bit of a set back. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on the point-of-view, he explained that it’s simply part of the healing process and the body’s reaction to the recent surgery. Comforting to know yes – helpful in dealing with the pain not so much (Claudia’s view).

Late yesterday afternoon, we called the surgeon’s office for the final pathology report. GREAT NEWS – confirmed no cancerous spread to the sentinel lymph nodes! The rest of the report and efficacy of any chemotherapy will be determined after the follow appointments with the surgeon and oncologist. We celebrated last night – picnic in the room and wine (for Tim). Then, we settled down to watch NCIS episodes on our iPod until late in the evening.
Today we’re focused on preparing to leave the hospital, probably in the late afternoon. So, next update will be early evening. Again thank you all for the thoughts and prayers for Claudia.

S Day +2 Update by Soul Mate

Day 2+ - the story of continuing progress to full recovery. It has been a day of small mile-stones. Most of the tubes are out, mobility is returning, and spirits remain high. The plastic surgeon, aka Dr Dahan, gives Claudia high marks for her post-op recovery and has helped in the continuing pain management regiment. All the little normal movements we take for granted now come with a cost. It’s an old cliché – no pain, no gain. She says she knows exactly what that cartoon character that has had an anvil dropped on chest feels like. Nonetheless, Claudia persists in getting back up on her feet and striving to be better than she was before. It’ll be a while, but my bias personal opinion predicts she’ll make that goal.

Again, I want to thank everyone for their support. Life becomes even more important when you realize at times like these the great people who have become part of your life.